...like "I AM VERY SHY AND AWKWARD" and "WHY CAN'T I TALK TO GIRLS", and it led me to this site. so, i'm going to be even MORE pathetic and complain about it to some internet people!
i've always had a problem with being shy and not confident, but many girls seem to be attracted to me because they find me mysterious, cute, and nice. even so, i've never had a girlfriend because i want to wait until the perfect girl comes along and makes me fall in love. i'm not very good at casual dating because i really have to feel like i want to be in a relationship. but, even when i think i've met the perfect girl, i become tongue-tied, i can't start a good conversation, i avoid looking her in the eye and resort to staring off into space, plus some other socially awkward problems...
i'm not any good at small talk, and i'm interested in a lot of bizarre, obscure things, so i often find that the things i would want to talk about would confuse or put off other people, so i usually sit in silence and make things even more uncomfortable. i simply just can't think of anything good to talk about, and i'm terrified of being negatively evaluated. whenever i'm the center of attention, i get nervous and wish people would just leave me alone.
when i tell other people about my painful shyness, some of them say "why are you shy? you're perfectly attractive and i'm sure plenty of girls would want to be with you", but this just isn't a very good reason. i don't value appearance very much, and many of the girls i'm attracted to are ones who aren't as popular and outgoing, but girls with a sweet, shy and humble disposition are far more attractive to me than any slutty, attention-crazed girl.
i would consider myself an introvert: i enjoy staying at home, alone, listening to music and watching movies, and going to parties just takes a lot out of me and makes me feel like i have to put on an act to impress other people. some people simply don't understand this about me. they expect me to be more talkative and more socially adept, but sometimes i am overcome with social anxiety, usually to the point i really can't help being a loner.
so that's my story, painfullyshy. sometimes, i am glad that i'm shy because it keeps me out of situations i would rather avoid, but it has also caused me to prioritize being alone so much that i'm too scared to make any type of intimate relationships. any advice?
i've always had a problem with being shy and not confident, but many girls seem to be attracted to me because they find me mysterious, cute, and nice. even so, i've never had a girlfriend because i want to wait until the perfect girl comes along and makes me fall in love. i'm not very good at casual dating because i really have to feel like i want to be in a relationship. but, even when i think i've met the perfect girl, i become tongue-tied, i can't start a good conversation, i avoid looking her in the eye and resort to staring off into space, plus some other socially awkward problems...
i'm not any good at small talk, and i'm interested in a lot of bizarre, obscure things, so i often find that the things i would want to talk about would confuse or put off other people, so i usually sit in silence and make things even more uncomfortable. i simply just can't think of anything good to talk about, and i'm terrified of being negatively evaluated. whenever i'm the center of attention, i get nervous and wish people would just leave me alone.
when i tell other people about my painful shyness, some of them say "why are you shy? you're perfectly attractive and i'm sure plenty of girls would want to be with you", but this just isn't a very good reason. i don't value appearance very much, and many of the girls i'm attracted to are ones who aren't as popular and outgoing, but girls with a sweet, shy and humble disposition are far more attractive to me than any slutty, attention-crazed girl.
i would consider myself an introvert: i enjoy staying at home, alone, listening to music and watching movies, and going to parties just takes a lot out of me and makes me feel like i have to put on an act to impress other people. some people simply don't understand this about me. they expect me to be more talkative and more socially adept, but sometimes i am overcome with social anxiety, usually to the point i really can't help being a loner.
so that's my story, painfullyshy. sometimes, i am glad that i'm shy because it keeps me out of situations i would rather avoid, but it has also caused me to prioritize being alone so much that i'm too scared to make any type of intimate relationships. any advice?
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Unsu...
Re: i made some pretty pathetic google queries...
Sun, November 4, 2007 - 8:12 AMYou're not the only one ,Ray,who's going through this.I've found that just being on the internet helps in itself,not a great substitute,but it helps to broaden horizons and allow you to relate to others without that pressure that I've found offline.It's an transition,learning common ground and starting from there.Just sharing interests and asking questions breaks the ice,mabe it takes a few times and several setbacks/rejections,but finding one way to reach out and connect is better than none at all and brooding about it.By the way,welcome! -
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Re: i made some pretty pathetic google queries...
Mon, November 5, 2007 - 9:11 AMWelcome, Ray!
I think you should indulge the life you would like for yourself and only yourself.
Smiling opens many doors, and doing your thing will attract likeminded people, who notice what you are into, and if you are not nervous or have expectations, the smile will be the key.
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Re: i made some pretty pathetic google queries...
Tue, November 20, 2007 - 6:10 PMI like your pathetic google queries. ;) They made me grin.
I'm here as an extrovert getting over her shyness. I can say, ah, yes, the shy boys are very attractive.
I have the same problem as you with the bizarre and obscure interests that I don't want to throw out there because no one will be interested. I'm the 'chimer' in a social setting, with my, "Yeah, that's cool" boring comments. I never introduce anything to talk about. My mind becomes a blank because of social insecurities.
Alas, that means I have no advice. I'm working on my own problem, and what I find out might not work for you, as we have different personalities. Maybe you can find out exactly what yours is. You know, Myers-Briggs? Socionics? They're similar but I find Socionics is more in-depth. You can find out your type and do some research. You could possibly understand the reason why you're shy from that. It's certainly helped me out a lot. I find this is a much better test than others you might find: www.cognitiveprocesses.com/asse....html
Seems I've mustered some advice! Hmm, mustard. -
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Re: i made some pretty pathetic google queries...
Wed, December 5, 2007 - 2:37 PMI'm still painfully shy after all these years but I've found that asking people questions in social situations-like parties-is not bad. Now if you are like me you will naturally assume that any questions you ask will sound dumb and lame, but 99% of the questionees will not think so.
It's good practice to strike up conversations in "safe" places, like the bus or the grocery store. You may not meet a friend but you get into the habit of making eye contact and chatting. May sound like tripe but it has taken me years to be able to make small talk like that.
I too have weird interests and (especially at work) have trouble talking about them. My docotr recently prescribed Buspar for me for anxiety and it has helped me a lot not to ruminate on how socially awkward I think I am.
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