Hardly any friends

So was I,I can't believe I never thought of it standing for:Significant Other.For some reason I kept racking my brain and that never did come to me.Duh,*laughing*.That had me stumped all day.

Lol, no! That's not at all what I meant. Do you find that people will often come to you for heavy and extensive advice complete with emotional support, sapping your energy, and then disappear when they don't need it anymore/you need it in return?

THAT's what I mean. Not worded well the first time, I know. :-p

I am also close with my family but have very few friends. I have five who live elsewhere and one who lives in the same city as me. I used to have others but it seems like everybody is slipping away. The friend who lives here is extremely busy. I see him very rarely. I am jelous of him because he seems to really have it all together. One of the ones from out of town seems to have his own life there and doesn't seem to really have time for me. I only really have anything in common with three of my friends. I really admire two of them but they have other friends and I feel like I often get left out. With most of my friends it seems like I call them way more than they call me. I hate leaving messages because sometimes they don't get returned. I only have one friend who I really feel fully comfortable around. Although our views differ on some issues I feel like I can relate to him and we joke around and generally have a good time.

I always have acquaintences but 90% of our interactions don't go much further than "hey". I feel uncomfortable calling people by name for some reason wich makes things more akward. It is a huge leap from acquaintance to friendship. I've known all of my friends since elementary school. I think that I may be too old to make any new friends. Getting numbers is nearly impossible. When I do get one I will call them 3 or 4 times. Usually they never call me so I assume that they're not really interested. Often messages will not get returned. School or work would seem like a good place to meet people, but I find the institutional setting intimidating for some reason. I am more likely to talk to people from work or school if I see them in another setting. Outside of these venues I don't really know of legitimate ways to start conversations with people. In any situation I always feel like I don't have an "excuse" to talk to people. I guess that I could try joining a club or taking up some sort of organized activity but I haven't had much success with this in the past.

Several people mentioned in this post that their only friends were there S.O.s. For me friends would be nice, but I would be happy with only a girlfriend. The problem is that most girls wouldn't want to go out with somebody who has no friends. I do enjoy my time alone to a certain extent. I would be happy with one outing a week (now it may be months in between outings). I do find it kind of funny how some people will not be seen alone in public and feel that they need a friend to come along for every activity (shopping, for example).

"As I was in high school, we moved alot, maybe once every other year. It was frustrating and didn't help with my anxiety, knowing how hard it was for me to make new friends and go to a new school and new environment. It's like everything was temporary and make belief, nothing was solid and it felt like I was not grounded."
I moved several times when I was young which caused major problems. One move at age 12 was very difficult and came at the wrong time. I subconciously push people away because I feel like they are just going to leave anyways. It seems like everybody is always slipping away. The town that I was living in from ages 7-12 was a nice community. I was relatively normal kid there and had a good network of friends. Several months before I left I started thinking that my friends didn't like me anymore and distanced myself from them. I now see that this was a coping method to make the separation easier.

As to pharmeceuticals, I have never used them. While I am sure that a very small number of idividuals will benefit from medication, I think that drugs are way overprescibed. It's all about sedating people and keeping them under control. I think that "brave new world" is the most important book for our time. Television serves the same purpose as drugs in this sense. I know several pharmeceutical industy victims. I think that environmental factors in all types of mental illness are overlooked. The problem lies much more in society than the individual. I only use one type of drug for one purpose. I use natural psychedellics for insight and personal healing and spiritual growth. This has likely made my social problems worse as I tend to see myself as being very different from others. The drugs did help me in many ways, but the problem is that the world that they revealed was a perfect utopia. A major problem for me is that I am a perfectionist. I often see other people as being shallow. I tend to just give up when things don't work out perfectly. I guess that I ask to much of other people. I am too trusting and become too atached to people too quickly. Things seem to disintegrate and I become disillusioned.

As to "socializing" on the internet, I find it very inadequate. I mainly just use sites such as this one to vent and ramble on about my problems. Thank you to anyone who took the trouble to read! Many people just use internet discussion boards to argue and be complete a**holes as they can't behave like that in real life without getting beaten up. I find that this tribe is not like that though.